NFL Thread

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Fighting Mongooses
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Re: NFL Thread

Post by pixel » Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:57 pm

Principal: Why do you think you're in my office?

Joe Flacco: I don't know, you tell me.

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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Bandit » Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:13 am

And then he grows up to be the worst employee at his Jiffy Lube.

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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Bandit » Mon Aug 05, 2019 4:30 am


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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Bandit » Wed Aug 07, 2019 9:46 pm


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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Bandit » Thu Aug 08, 2019 11:22 pm


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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Bandit » Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:07 am



Good for him. But bad for me because the Browns are very motivated and probably ready to get revenge for Baltimore taking their team in 1996. Those jokes from the past 20 years will be avenged by Baker Mayfield.

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Re: NFL Thread

Post by pixel » Sat Aug 10, 2019 6:28 am

At least Pittsburgh could suck ass this year. That's one of my hopes every year.

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Re: NFL Thread

Post by pixel » Sat Aug 10, 2019 6:34 am


I attended a game last year. Panthers visiting Skins. The Skins are so bad people don’t even fight anymore. The team couldn’t sell out the 9:30 Club, let alone the world’s biggest bidet, FedEx Field and no one cares enough to fight.

It’s just eerie now. You drive up the gooseneck to the stadium, you buy your expensive beer that takes ten minutes to pour from a very well-meaning person, you get to your seat. No one is sitting in it, or even in the vicinity of an aggressive fart. You sit. You’re miles away but can still see the discount sod rumpled like freshly laundered hoodies on all ends of the brown field beneath. You see more open seats than full ones and the dreary, beaten-in burgundy seats; this is the moment you learn that plastic can somehow get basal cell carcinoma.

The biggest problem now is the white boy West Potomac High School junior wearing gas station Oakleys, fueled on his first belts of Pinnacle vodka, forcing cheers upon you. He leaps to his feet at 8:43 in the second quarter and runs up and down the aisle, screaming “Here we go Redskins, here we go!” You can recreate the same sad sound at home by turning on your vacuum cleaner and yelling into the hose. After four or five tries with no victims, he gives up and flips off the section. There’s not even a response to that. This future-Supreme Court justice might decide your life one day.

The Skins march into the tunnel at halftime to boos. An equal number of cheers greet the visitors as they enter their own tunnel. You start talking to the guy next to you about local beers in Raleigh-Durham. In the distance, someone vomits into his girlfriend’s souvenir cup.

By the end of the game, you’re looking around at all the red netting over the once-occupied seats than Dan took away to keep up the sellout lie. You see the ruins of glory never attained, the spoils of loss. A breeze hits your face. The leaves are about to change. Trent Williams hyperextends his knee digging through our Serta™ football turf and stubs his toe on the right engine from Air Florida Flight 90. The crowd makes the sound of a lawnmower that munched its last blade. Eventually the game ends and you don’t even look at the scoreboard.

On your way out, you see West Potomac High School Junior. He’s still got the glasses on, but his eyes are closed. His arms are crossed and he’s passed out, waaaaay out. There’s a big wet spot in the crotch of his pants and no one, not even his friends, are claiming him as their own.

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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Bandit » Sat Aug 10, 2019 8:26 am

The Redskins are like the Cowboys without any spark of "they might really do it this year!" hope or financial success. Just a team with a dickhead owner who wants to micromanage a football team to amuse himself and doesn't care about the fans. So of course nobody wants to pay to see a team that is even unexciting when they're on a winstreak. How many Redskins highlights do they show on the NBC Sunday Night pre-game show? They're just bland on both sides of the ball. And they haven't been worth watching since like 1993 when I was a child in the single digits. I was a Redskins fan before the Ravens formed in 1996, and it was very easy to stop being a fan. The early Ravens at least had a great defense to watch even when their offense was pathetic. The Redskins had one star player in Darryl Green. And a mediocre QB who ruined his career by headbutting a concrete wall as a touchdown celebration for a game that ended in a tie.

I can't believe in the age of Robert Kraft every owner just doesn't realize "Hey, I can hire a football genius to do everything and then just sit back and make money doing nothing." Why wouldn't you want to be him instead of Jerry Jones? Jerry Jones doesn't rock out with Bon Jovi or chase hoez with Snoop Dogg.

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Re: NFL Thread

Post by pixel » Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:08 am

I do love Gus Frerrote :olol:

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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Big Boss Man » Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:14 am

Bandit wrote:
Wed Aug 07, 2019 9:46 pm
NFL Films have uploaded the first episode in full, watched just over half so far. Didn't see any of last years as I don't think Sky Sports shows Hard Knocks anymore.

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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Big Boss Man » Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:15 am


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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Bandit » Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:18 am

pixel wrote:
Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:08 am
I do love Gus Frerrote :olol:

I forgot he was on the Vikings a decade later. I just remembered he was traded to Detroit and then was QB in Denver after Elway retired (which must have had those fans as depressed as humans can be. Like driving a Rolls Royce and then being made to drive a Kia.)

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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Big Boss Man » Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:56 am

They got the first NFL Hard Knocks up here too


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Re: NFL Thread

Post by pixel » Sun Aug 11, 2019 12:52 pm

Bandit wrote:
Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:18 am
pixel wrote:
Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:08 am
I do love Gus Frerrote :olol:

I forgot he was on the Vikings a decade later. I just remembered he was traded to Detroit and then was QB in Denver after Elway retired (which must have had those fans as depressed as humans can be. Like driving a Rolls Royce and then being made to drive a Kia.)
He always reminds me of how Daunte Culpepper's career collapsed after his injury. Gus was the first guy in a long chain of doofus idiots that the team brought in to keep hope alive. Kind of like the Vikings FO was our mom and she kept bringing dipshits home until we got stuck with Tavaris Jackson and Christan Ponder.

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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Bandit » Wed Aug 14, 2019 5:27 am


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Re: NFL Thread

Post by pixel » Wed Aug 14, 2019 6:23 am




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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Bandit » Wed Aug 14, 2019 6:46 am

That talking dog was cutting edge, if this was 1996.

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Re: NFL Thread

Post by Bandit » Wed Aug 14, 2019 12:30 pm


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Re: NFL Thread

Post by pixel » Thu Aug 15, 2019 1:32 am

Bandit wrote:
Wed Aug 14, 2019 12:30 pm
:rofl:

Andrew Luck might just turn from has-been to a never-was.

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