Dear Members of the Squire Sebastian Senator Babyshower,

Could it be spam?
It's just a Nullusion!

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Slippin' Jimmy
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Dear Members of the Squire Sebastian Senator Babyshower,

Post by Roofus » Tue Mar 05, 2019 2:54 pm

I have a really important announcement to make. It brings me to pain to have to tell you this, but I am cancelling the event. I will text you soon if you’re invited to my smaller, more inclusive party. At least here no one will judge me.
Why? Why am I doing this?
Because y’all have been talking shit about my unborn baby. AN UNBORN CHILD. How can you judge an unborn child?? What is wrong with you??
To say this frankly, my friends and family have treated me like total shit. They’ve spread rumors and lies about my child. No, I am not crazy. No, I am not mentally unstable. No, I was not drunk when I named my child.
His name is Squire Sebastian Senator.
That is that.
You cannot force me to change his name. This is the name I was meant to give him.
No, this is not his full name. „Squire Sebastian Senator“ is only his first name. This is how it will be. He will not be allowed to have a nickname, he is to be called by his full and complete first name.
I never knew my family could be so judgmental. We come from a long lasting family of both squires and senators. If you look back in our family tree, the survival of this clan is literally rooted in squiredom. We are all related to senators too. This name conveys power. It conveys wealth. It conveys success.
My baby’s name WILL be a revolution. It will push people to question everything. Why name your baby boring and over-used names like Joshua, Brian,Sam, Nick, Mark, Bella, Marina, etc….when you can name it something special.
Squire Sebastian Senator will live a powerful, wholesome life. His confidence will not diminish simply because his name is out of the ordinary. Instead, he will be extraordinary.
Fuck you all. Fake ass family. You won’t get to be a part of my baby’s life and it’s all because you had to judge him.

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Re: Dear Members of the Squire Sebastian Senator Babyshower,

Post by melancholy » Tue Mar 05, 2019 3:06 pm

So I heard about this story, and want to realtalk about this so bad, but I fear it would devolve into a 5 paragraph rant with me just being pissed off at the end.

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Re: Dear Members of the Squire Sebastian Senator Babyshower,

Post by ian » Tue Mar 05, 2019 5:51 pm

I thought I was reading an onion article and laughed my ass off.

Then I found out it was real and started crying of laughter.. Jesus.
Hank Azaria not playing Apu on the Simpsons will make the role as irrelevant as the Simpsons has been as a series since 1999!

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