Psalm of the gaming Bible 23:4

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ian
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Psalm of the gaming Bible 23:4

Post by ian »

Yea, though I walk through the stardew valley of the shadowman of death stranding, I will F.E.A.R. no resident evil for thou [art] with me; thy Dreamcast fishing rod and thy Kilik's staff they comfort me....

The more I think about it, the more I think I can make video games an actual religion, not just a series of cults!

In the beginning, Steve Russell created spacewar.
And yea, Ralph Baer created the Games for home.

Instead of holy wars we just have fanboys slinging shit on Reddit.

THOU Shalt not covet sealed copies of Super Mario 64.
LO, shalt you disobey one of the commandments thou shalt be forced to play Superman 64 for all eternity.
If I should Die Hard Arcade before I Alan Wake.
PREY the Lords of Lore my Soul Calibur to Take
-Two Interactive.

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ian
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Re: Psalm of the gaming Bible 23:4

Post by ian »

Book 13:37 PC gaming.

And gaming was graced with several gods.

The gods were usually forgiving.
Shigeru Miyamoto in book 14:32

Lo, the gods were not infallible, and often quite vengeful.

Book 14:47:
And Yuji Naka will smite them with Balan wonderworld, and disinherit them, and will make of thee a greater nation and mightier than they.
If I should Die Hard Arcade before I Alan Wake.
PREY the Lords of Lore my Soul Calibur to Take
-Two Interactive.

2dr
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Re: Psalm of the gaming Bible 23:4

Post by 2dr »

On the first day, the gaming gods created the gaming platform. They saw that it was good. But the platform was without form.

On the second day the gaming gods created the console and the controls. And lo interactivity was formed.

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ian
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Re: Psalm of the gaming Bible 23:4

Post by ian »

Let he who is without sin, cast the first Wii remote.
If I should Die Hard Arcade before I Alan Wake.
PREY the Lords of Lore my Soul Calibur to Take
-Two Interactive.

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Dr. Zoidberg
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Re: Psalm of the gaming Bible 23:4

Post by Dr. Zoidberg »

Amen ⃤ OX◻!

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ian
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Re: Psalm of the gaming Bible 23:4

Post by ian »

For as much as it hath pleased Almighty God of War of his great MERCY to take unto himself the soulblade of our dear brothers a tale of two sons here departed, we therefore commit his bodyharvest to the gain ground; earth to earthbound, ashes to ashes of the Singularity, dust to dust 2 ; in sure and certain hope of the alien resurrection PS1 to Eternal Darkness.
If I should Die Hard Arcade before I Alan Wake.
PREY the Lords of Lore my Soul Calibur to Take
-Two Interactive.

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ian
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Re: Psalm of the gaming Bible 23:4

Post by ian »

You are all welcome to join the first and only church of gaming.
Now that I have made video games my actual religion, I've added a commandment.

The first Commandment:
Thou Shalt not covet sealed copies of games, even Super Mario 64.

The second Commandment:
Thou shalt not buy 3rd party console peripherals.

The official prayer for when our fellow gamers pass away and get into heaven:

"For as much as it hath pleased the almighty God of War of his great MERCY to take unto himself the soulblade of our dear brothers a tale of two sons here departed, we therefore commit his bodyharvest to the gain ground; earth to earthbound, ashes to ashes of the Singularity, de_dust to dust 2 ; in sure and certain hope of the alien resurrection to Eternal Darkness.
R-Type"

Gamers heaven is a wonderful place where the departed can play unlimited arcade games and pinball machines with no lines, and games never need updates.
The blesseds computers always have the best properly configured hardware, and their consoles never have stick drift.

For the wretched sinners, gamers hell is very much like earth... Any time you want to play a game, it has a large update, you only get to play on controls with stick drift and have to use membrane keyboards with both Razer and Logitech Gaming software running. Also, your computer will always run Norton, and your console disc drives will get jammed closed about half the time.

We don't make you pay subscriptions to play online games in hell though, we're not that cruel! but occasionally all your consoles will red ring, and all your computers will blue screen, but we're not going to tell you when.

I would like to take this opportunity to praise upon one of the gods of the PC games. Book 13:37:

Oh, GabeN, our provider of steam, we look unto you in our times of doubt and beseech of thee. Please go back to being a developer. In our modern world riddled with buggy pieces of software predominantly by Bethesda, Valve is a shining light unto us lowly gamers. Lo Half life 2 came out in 2004, and yea works perfectly on modern machines.
Oh mighty GabeN, please heed our prayers and make more games, you are actually good at it, we forgive thee for being temporarily blinded by the appeal of making money from any old indie trite and we all eagerly await the return of your next developments.

R-Type.
If I should Die Hard Arcade before I Alan Wake.
PREY the Lords of Lore my Soul Calibur to Take
-Two Interactive.

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